I feel as though I haven’t been posting for a while and I feel somewhat guilty. I haven’t been feeling the same since I started this blog and now I want to get back into the groove of things. Great things have been happening for me and I’m feeling pretty confident in my future. One of the great things that has happened to me is performing at the Apollo for the very first time. I did a poetry slam for this wonderful organization called Urban Word where I was one of the finalists. The “prize” was becoming one of the 6 to be apart of the New York team to compete in Atlanta. I was pretty bummed that I didn’t make the team and it actually made me really sad for a while. And still to this day I have lost my touch for poetry. But then something remarkable happened. I was at the Sony Technology Lab and these two boys wanted to hear my poetry and I recited it to them. It made me feel a little better and I’m glad that I did it. I guess I’m learning that sometimes its OK to feel down. But don’t beat yourself up.
I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it- Edgar Allen Poe
Many things I have learned while my time in the psych ward. 1) The mind is a dangerous weapon and if left unattended, it can be very lethal. 2) Sometimes its ok to say that you need help. And 3) Love is a powerful word with very little meaning. Its almost an acronym for an eternity of endless questioning. Why do we love? Why do we hate? What does it mean to be held and such? At 7 south I have endured a lot of time to isolate myself and think about my life and my priorities. It made me realize that Im not alone in this fight to save myself from my insanity. There are others. We are everywhere. See, insanity is contagious. Its airborne. Its something that not everyone wants to admit but its there. It will never go away. People like Edgar Allen Poe have learned to embrace that. Insanity is the art, and we are its masters. Coming from a 16-year-old Juniors mouth, I have understood where I stand in this battle. I am not alone. I have a great support team and an excellent future coming ahead. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t have to deal with half of the shit that I am dealing with now. But I answer to a higher calling (Yet I still dont know what that is). The belief that all mental ill people are insane is insane itself. Society has the audacity to corner minorities and any other outcast who doesnt fit in this world. Its shameful and sick. But I refuse to keep myself stuck in a stereotypical box. Im not going out that way. But what I will do is keep on striving for greatness and challenge my inner demons until there are none left. This isnt over. My battle has just begun.
Watch “Monochrome by Cassandra Williams” on YouTube
Monochrome by Cassandra Williams: http://youtu.be/lxd_rLhSwmg
Poem: Black Eulogy
Title: Black Eulogy
By: Cassandra Williams
This is not black history month,
This is a failed attempt for America to try and squeeze in two pages out of a history book that doesn’t even give the full story,
Try to poison there subconscious,
When we spend a year learning something we’ve already grasped in the fifth grade,
Green trees becoming your remedy while you play your mind to sleep,
You have been rigged,
Eyes blinded by what the higher authority says because they don’t want you to imagine what it was like to wear death around your neck and hung over a tree,
The night sky didn’t have enough room for the broken and voiceless
So murder got comfortable and took off his shoes
These silent footsteps become symphonies to the lashes on their backs,
Minds bent with realization that there will never be such things as integration even if we’re writing with black ink on white paper,
The blood still bleeds in cotton buried in aspirin bottles,
We have found new ways to insult minorities and place them into stereotypes,
To blame their God of not coming up with worthy enough creations to be considered humans,
Black suits have become a daily routine to watch frail bodies become candidates to open caskets,
I thought we would have learned our lesson that hoodies and skittles don’t have an expiration date for execution,
That these leaders didn’t die for our ignorance but for us to understand,
That this month is a civil rights movement in motion,
Not a poor excuse to fill our minds with chronic smoke,
Trying to figure out what the hell team light skin means,
When we find it ok to rock a pair of Jordans that costs 3G’ s but it’s not cool to rock a high school degree,
I do not hate you but I apologize for my lack of education of my background,
But you got to understand that my skin is not man made but not God made,
They say that this is the land of the free and home of the brave,
Or is it land of the greed and home of the slave,
History had found its way into your skin,
And you’ve let it become a disease,
Cancerous tasting black hands molding into spirituals,
These red and blue are suppose to be men who say will protect us ,
But carrying a gun doesn’t make you a man as much as much as a preacher doesn’t make you a certified Christian,
We are all not angry,
We’re simply upset that America has found it funny to look down at those who built this country,
We are a living proof of a change,
Our lips have been silenced for centuries,
Our minds were born at the rise of working on fields,
We are reincarnated examples fighting for a place in this country,
A place
In a month
Change
Title: Change
By: T.N.F
Verse 1- Now that you got my attention please make way for what is left of me, your filled with burning affection, yet my mind has no room for company, there’s a hole, deep inside of me, my shallow bones just won’t set it free, if you create the lie it’ll eat you up inside, I’ll swallow up the pride, and be ready to die
Chorus- I am never gonna change, this is who I am and forever I will stay, the tears in my eyes, the endless lies, the system has been corrupted by, status quo, we refuse to let go
Verse 2- this generation of madness, has an obvious affect on me, you close your eyes and blind ties, youth of oppression, we bury the lies, how can you sit there in reality, dirty hands from the freedom that we seek, how can you call yourselves authority, you filthy pigs take what you need
Chorus- I am never gonna change, this is who I am and forever I will stay, the tears in my eyes, the endless lies, the system has been corrupted by, status quo, we refuse to let go
(Solo)
Verse 3- there is a way to erase this, this subtle cage let’s embrace this, hold on and never let go, I hear you calling the martyr, raise your hand at the liar, being corrupted, inspired, you’ll never take away
Chorus- I am never gonna change, this is who I am and forever I will stay, the tears in my eyes, the endless lies, the system has been corrupted by, status quo, we refuse to let go
Outro- now that you got my attention, please make way for what is left
Son of rage and love
I have to tell you Jesus of Suburbia is one of the best songs if you are a die hard Green Day fan. I mean damn. The way that Billie Joe creates his version of his utopia wrapped in cheap cigarettes and Mary Jane. My favorite quote is “everyones so full of shit, born and raised by hypocrites, hearts recycled but never saved, from the cradle to the grave” because its so true. The world is a bastard place to be in. Society has built itself upon false prophecies and beliefs. Our parents don’t teach us any better because they were not taught better. The dead are being used but forever erased and abortion is becoming an epidemic. As a teenager I take this to heart because Green Day touches every aspect of a teenagers life. But broken hearts to one night stands. I am the daughter of rage and love. And forever I will be to blame for my actions. But hey…its who I am.
Words as Weapons
Words are lethal injections. Especially when you receive them from the ones you love. Its like bullets driving through your brain. Sometimes praying to God isn’t going to help the situation. Trust me I’ve tried. But it ends up being a failure. All I’m trying to say is that you should never be a subject to having words tear away at your soul. Especially when someone calls you out of your name or holds the past against you. Its never OK to let that bury itself inside your conscious and constantly blame yourself for things sometimes you didn’t do. Song of the day: “Words as Weapons” by Seether
I refuse to sink
. Im not use to writing blogs or things like this. Just comfortable in writing things that i can relate to. It doesnt mean im normal. Normal is an understatement. Its an evil word that i dislike using because there is no value to it. Its like society pushes that word to find a comfortable space inside of the human mind and retaliate. Almost a small war. This is the ending of originality as we know it. But I refuse to let it be the end of me
Error
Title: Error
By: T.N.F
Verse 1- keep your attention on me, cause its about to go down, the sirens blaring again, electrify the sound, sticks and stones will only crush my memory, but if you wave your flag up high enough you’ll see its mistakes
Chorus- call the martyr, its coming up again, the walls are breaking in, the system is failing, rebels, bottle up the rage, the wounds are left to stay, burn on your conscious, this is what it feels like to be left alone, numbing senses, losing your own self control
Verse 2- Bang, bang, your brain will never be the same, their watching you, a new symphony, pigs will only save you for your money, when 1% don’t have to pay rent, now where all slaves
Chorus- call the martyr, its coming up again, the walls are breaking in, the system is failing, rebels, bottle up the rage, the wounds are left to stay, burn on your conscious, this is what it feels like to be left alone, numbing senses, losing your own self control
Verse 3- Hail Liberty!
(Solo)
Verse 4- This is the voice of the people you’ve ignored for years, the errors standing here, filthy tears, destroy the system, burning common grounds, wailing sounds, I hear you screaming, “veto authority, then you’ll see, we are no victims”
Chorus- call the martyr, its coming up again, the walls are breaking in, the system is failing, rebels, bottle up the rage, the wounds are left to stay, burn on your conscious, this is what it feels like, numbing senses
That NumB Feeling 